She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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