I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
