You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
