i just made my gag reflex go away.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
