You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
