I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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