i used baking grease as lip gloss
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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