Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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