Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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