Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
