from now on my penis is your penis
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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