i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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