I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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