I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
