i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
