It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
