how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
