i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize