at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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