I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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