does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
