I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
