Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
