On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am available for nakedness
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize