Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
