anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
