Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
