she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
