Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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