Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
