You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Im part way to drunk.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
