I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The Olympian is in my bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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