he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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