it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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