No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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