so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
