I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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