after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
