i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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