I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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