dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
