There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
