You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize