the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
