it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
