I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
