she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize