Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
