So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Randomize
