I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
