Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
