i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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