So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I want a musical about memes.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
