Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
