and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
