dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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