Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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