You smell like stripper and shame
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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