another moral hangover. fuck.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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