I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
