FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
