I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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