don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
that may or may not have been my penis.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
