I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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