My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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