I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
