one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
