i just sent this text using only my big toe
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize