Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
