Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
