Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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