We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
