my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
